Artwork by Lionel Kennaugh

Oh! He’s a narcissist. She’s just a narciopath, (I’m not even sure where this one popped up, but I keep hearing it), or a borderline personality disorder. Every other person these days is labelled with being a narcissist or having some other personality disorder. What they probably are in fact is your average garden variety jerk.

Perhaps, they are just noticeably confident and yes, even arrogant, or aloof. This does not make a person a narcissist. Some people are just jerks. They lack self-awareness, they lack common courtesy, and they lack kindness. Yet this still does not make them a…

Artwork by Lionel Kennaugh

If I had to ask you to define a victim without a dictionary, what would you say? Something happens to you that is negative or harmful and not of your choosing? Let me ask you this: Would any reasonable or sane person ask to become a victim?

The pertinent dictionary definition is according to the Oxford Dictionary:

A person who has come to feel helpless and passive in the face of misfortune or ill-treatment.

It is the last line of this definition that really jumps out at me. ‘Someone who has come to feel helpless and passive’.

Indeed no one…

Artwork by Lionel Kennaugh

Narcissistic baiting comes in three distinct ways and at three different stages in the cycle of this emotional abuse. There are other mechanisms at play and used during these three phases. They are often used deliberately, methodically and without guilt.

Bait One.

The first time that baiting is used, it feels terrific. The lure is set out, and it appears to be everything you desire. It is a colourful concoction of emotional and physical attractiveness that draws you close to it. Curious about what it offers, you approach it with no fear and without concern for any consequences. You are…

It’s Okay to not be Okay

Artwork by Lionel Kennaugh

Now, I’ll admit, I am spinning out with a distinct lack of a sense of purpose. Lockdown due to COVID 19 has affected everyone on the planet in some way or another, and we are all in our own ways, spinning out.

I pull my laptop toward me to do writing or work. Only to push it away as no thoughts or words come to mind to even begin to describe, not only how I am feeling, but how so many other people are feeling right now.

How often we’ve wished away our routines…

Photograph by Tegwyn Fietze

All illusions become a reality given enough time. I seem to recall reading that somewhere long ago. Are panic disorders and anxiety attacks just that? Illusions, the things that we fear the most, made physically manifest in our bodies?

How is anxiety, perceived? An illusion? To those looking in from the outside, it’s easy to say it’s all in your head. For those who know what it is like, it is as real to the person experiencing it as sipping on a cup of coffee or putting on their shoes. …

Photograph by Lionel Kennaugh

As I enter my fifties, something that I have been battling with is how to dissolve the crystallised feelings of hatred, betrayal and bitter resentment and come out the other side of this process wiser and calmer, with set intentions to be able to move on.

What strikes me about this is this question, ‘What is real?’ The loop in my head, the constant chatter, the obsessive thinking, or what stands alone as facts, not the fiction that I feed myself, for whatever reason whether it is to feel better or worse. …

Photograph Tegwyn Fietze

On holiday recently, we were in the bush, it was notably green and lush, and there were many creeping and crawling creatures around us. We’d decided to go out, and I was in the process of putting on my sneakers when I suddenly remembered to tip them out first and have a look inside each one for scorpions, known for crawling into shoes. Satisfied, nothing was in them, I put them on and had the strangest sense of satisfaction that nothing and nobody else was in my shoes with me. …

Photo by Lionel Kennaugh

The Gamblers Game. Love Bombing and Systematic Denigration in Narcissistic Abuse.

‘Every gambler knows that the secret to survival is knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep’ The Gambler by Kenny Rogers

Systematic denigration is a high stakes poker game with your sanity. The deliberate acts of diminishing returns for the victim are traumatic and disastrous and, in many cases, lives entirely ruined by this cruel intended play, with your emotions, with your mind, with your physical safety and even with your finances. You are playing against a card shark and a cheater. When the stakes are…

Photograph by Lionel Kennaugh

When I say the word gaslighting, I’m pretty sure most people well versed on narcissism immediately have the association with the movie from which it was named. The phenomenon ‘gaslighting’ is a well-known topic to most people who have researched narcissism in great depth, and most of those people are the survivors of narcissistic abuse. But, how to explain this, when it is happening to you to someone else, who has never experienced this? …

Artwork by Lionel Kennaugh

Synonyms for ‘If’ are stipulation, proviso, or condition. Did you think that you had suddenly found yourself unexpectedly in the middle of an advanced grammar or linguistics lesson? You may be right! An if-clause is the protasis. The term protasis is used in linguistics, to refer to the subordinate clause (the if-clause) in a conditional sentence. In grammar, conditional sentences are sentences discussing factual implications or hypothetical situations and their consequences, this is how Wikipedia defines the word ‘if’ linguistically.

Confused yet? Not as confused as I was when I decided on this straightforward topic and decided to find the…

Tegwyn Fietze

A writer for many years. A long time ago, I used to send out articles to an email database regularly, in the days before blogs and platforms such as Medium.

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